JOY!
My family has a tradition of watching the movie, "Polar Express" every Christmas Eve night. I ALWAYS cry at the end. Always. My three kids, ages, 17, 13, and 12, tease me about it. This year, the thirteen year old asked me why I cry when I watch it. I guess it's because I've never stopped believing in the magic of Christmas. The magic lives inside me. Believing in Santa and being able to hear the ringing of Santa's sleigh bell gets me every time.
It's been a tough year for me. I really needed Christmas this year. I needed the lights. I needed the tree. I needed the music. I needed the hope, the beauty, and the joy. I need the giving and the love. And the magic. All of it. It was all so incredibly beautiful. I craved it. I ate it up like chocolate. And after the year I've just had, that was a real gift.
I remember getting excited as my dad carried up the old boxes of ornaments from the basement of my childhood home. My heart would sing as we unwrapped the old familar ornaments and hung them on the Christmas tree. It was like unwrapping treasure. We had a very old Santa ornament made of cloth that belonged to my grandfather when he was a child in England. The Santa was faded and very fragile and he always had a place of honor near the top of the tree. Another favorite decoration was a plastic church, about 12 inches high, that lit up when plugged in. Light glowed through the little church's stained glass windows, and it could be wound up to play the tune "Silent Night". All of those things helped make Christmas seem magical to me.
Over the years, I've accumulated quite a lot of Christmas decorations of my own. Since my husband is an active duty member of the U.S. Air Force, my family has moved rather frequently and the moving company workers have often commented on the amount of Christmas decor I had. On moving day, I would see all of those boxes marked "Xmas Decor" parading past me and think maybe I should pare it down. While house hunting, I always had to keep that in mind, ensuring that the new house would have enough storage for all my holiday "stuff."
Last year, my entire universe was knocked off track when I was diagnosed with breast cancer just one week before Thanksgiving. The surgeon who had performed a biopsy on the lump I found under my arm, delivered the news to me and also told me that I would need surgery to remove the cancer as soon as possible. Wow. What a way to usher in the holidays. For the first time in my life, decorating for the holidays didn't seem so important.
This year as Christmas time started to roll around, my second Christmas as a breast cancer survivor, I was still not feeling fully recovered from all of the treatments I had undergone over the past year. In fact, I was still not completely finished, with another infusion of targeted therapy (Herceptin) and removal of my port-a-cath coming up in January. Emotionally, things were much better than last year, but I still found myself struggling at times. The holidays can be overwhelming under normal circumstances. Throw breast cancer into the mix and you've got a recipe for extra stress and exhaustion.
So, I thought, "Just keep it simple. Who needs all that stuff anyway? Bah Humbug!"
My kids and I put up the tree again right after Thanksgiving and the holiday spirit started to come back. I began to notice how absolutely beautiful the Christmas lights were looking in everyone's yards around our neighborhood. The lights struck me in a way that I can't remember feeling for a long time. And that feeling stayed with me through the month of December. In fact, that feeling continued to grow, until one day I went down to the basement and started digging into all those boxes. One thing led to another and pretty soon I had Santas and snowmen, snow globes, and all of my old favorite Christmas kitchen items decorating our home. And guess what? It gave me such HOPE and JOY! It made me feel normal again. We even ended up putting up little trees in all three of my kid's bedrooms. And I wanted to keep going and put up another tree in our dining room--but I decided to wait until next year. Look out 2016!
So, I've learned that there are some "gifts" given to me by breast cancer that are actually good. I can honestly say that I have enjoyed the holidays so much more this year than I have for many, many years. I guess sometimes you need the dark to appreciate the light. You need the storms to see the rainbows. You need to learn to dance in the rain. So bring on the night, I'll dance under the stars!
It's been a tough year for me. I really needed Christmas this year. I needed the lights. I needed the tree. I needed the music. I needed the hope, the beauty, and the joy. I need the giving and the love. And the magic. All of it. It was all so incredibly beautiful. I craved it. I ate it up like chocolate. And after the year I've just had, that was a real gift.
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| A favorite ornament with three of my favorite things: Santa, Eiffel Tower, and Coffee! |
Bah Humbug!
I'll confess that I was feeling a little like Scrooge a few weeks ago and wasn't planning to do much decorating around my house for the holidays. I thought, "What's the point?" It's so much work to get it all out and then have to pack it all up again in a few weeks. I was even thinking about getting rid of a lot of my decorations. This attitude was new for me. You see, ever since I was a small child, I always loved decorating for Christmas.
I remember getting excited as my dad carried up the old boxes of ornaments from the basement of my childhood home. My heart would sing as we unwrapped the old familar ornaments and hung them on the Christmas tree. It was like unwrapping treasure. We had a very old Santa ornament made of cloth that belonged to my grandfather when he was a child in England. The Santa was faded and very fragile and he always had a place of honor near the top of the tree. Another favorite decoration was a plastic church, about 12 inches high, that lit up when plugged in. Light glowed through the little church's stained glass windows, and it could be wound up to play the tune "Silent Night". All of those things helped make Christmas seem magical to me.
Over the years, I've accumulated quite a lot of Christmas decorations of my own. Since my husband is an active duty member of the U.S. Air Force, my family has moved rather frequently and the moving company workers have often commented on the amount of Christmas decor I had. On moving day, I would see all of those boxes marked "Xmas Decor" parading past me and think maybe I should pare it down. While house hunting, I always had to keep that in mind, ensuring that the new house would have enough storage for all my holiday "stuff."
Game Changer: A Breast Cancer Holiday
Last year, my entire universe was knocked off track when I was diagnosed with breast cancer just one week before Thanksgiving. The surgeon who had performed a biopsy on the lump I found under my arm, delivered the news to me and also told me that I would need surgery to remove the cancer as soon as possible. Wow. What a way to usher in the holidays. For the first time in my life, decorating for the holidays didn't seem so important.
My mastectomy surgery was scheduled on December 9th, so I wanted to keep the decorating as simple as possible. My three kids and I put up our Christmas tree right after Thanksgiving. I put out a few of my Santas, hung the stockings on the mantel, and strung some lights on our front porch. That was about it. It was enough. It was comforting to come home from surgery and see the Christmas tree glowing brightly, but yet it wasn't so much that it felt overwhelming. It was just right.
This year as Christmas time started to roll around, my second Christmas as a breast cancer survivor, I was still not feeling fully recovered from all of the treatments I had undergone over the past year. In fact, I was still not completely finished, with another infusion of targeted therapy (Herceptin) and removal of my port-a-cath coming up in January. Emotionally, things were much better than last year, but I still found myself struggling at times. The holidays can be overwhelming under normal circumstances. Throw breast cancer into the mix and you've got a recipe for extra stress and exhaustion.
So, I thought, "Just keep it simple. Who needs all that stuff anyway? Bah Humbug!"
JOY To The World!
My kids and I put up the tree again right after Thanksgiving and the holiday spirit started to come back. I began to notice how absolutely beautiful the Christmas lights were looking in everyone's yards around our neighborhood. The lights struck me in a way that I can't remember feeling for a long time. And that feeling stayed with me through the month of December. In fact, that feeling continued to grow, until one day I went down to the basement and started digging into all those boxes. One thing led to another and pretty soon I had Santas and snowmen, snow globes, and all of my old favorite Christmas kitchen items decorating our home. And guess what? It gave me such HOPE and JOY! It made me feel normal again. We even ended up putting up little trees in all three of my kid's bedrooms. And I wanted to keep going and put up another tree in our dining room--but I decided to wait until next year. Look out 2016!
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| Some of my Christmas decorations. Many items were hand made by loved ones. |
Gifts That Keep On Giving
I have often joked over the past year that breast cancer is "the gift that keeps on giving." Normally, that was said in a sarcastic tone when referring to the host of horrible things I've had to put up with. For example, one thing was a little different about decorating for the holidays this year. While putting together my Eiffel Tower decoration, the string of lights connecting each piece together kept getting all tangled up. During my battle with this confounded thing, I had about 5 hot flashes--stripping off my sweatshirt, then getting cold again, and putting it back on. I finally gave up and cut the doggone string of lights. Hot flashes: a "gift" from breast cancer. But it's not all bad. It made me laugh!
So, I've learned that there are some "gifts" given to me by breast cancer that are actually good. I can honestly say that I have enjoyed the holidays so much more this year than I have for many, many years. I guess sometimes you need the dark to appreciate the light. You need the storms to see the rainbows. You need to learn to dance in the rain. So bring on the night, I'll dance under the stars!
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